Must-Haves for Entering One's Grande Dame Era

A caftan

A mammogram

A pseudonym and alternate identity at your fingertips

A mantra

Hours where no one knows where you are

Congratulations on your pregnancy when you aren’t

The willingness to engage in talking shit about your physical appearance as sport with peers yet also the ability to love the way you look

The discernment to tell whether a guy is hot or just tall

The wherewithal to buy multiples of the things you love

An inscrutable language known only to you and a friend

Thank-you stationery at the ready

A grudge

An enemy

A histoire

A baseball team’s worth of scoundrels, long since dismissed, who still think about you and are probably googling you at this very moment

Forgiveness that is easily granted

A karaoke repertoire

An evolving relationship to one’s inbox

A psychic on speed dial

Pounds of gold jewelry, not all necessarily real

The realization that there is such a thing as too much introspection

The willingness to be spontaneous, but only when you are dressed for it

What are your essentials for your personal iteration of Grande Dame?

Might I also recommend:

Block Shop Textiles robe: Very grande dame indeed. I just swapped this for my two robes, which were maternity and postpartum, though I haven’t been able to throw them away. But the switch is low vibe-> high vibe for sure.

Monsoon Wedding the Musical!: Everything should be the colors of India, all the time. I don’t even like musicals per se and this had me up on my feet. How can a Bollywood number not?!

This Brené Brown interview on Tim Ferris, the latter whom I had dismissed as a chucklehead but Swan convinced me otherwise and, as always, she’s right. Everything Brown says is brilliant but there’s a moment here when she narrates her thoughts and talks about wishing she’d worn something different to the interview so she didn’t have to suck in in front of Tim. She says so without making it into a joke or a self-deprecation and honestly it is astonishing and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Wesley Morris’s eulogy of Tina.

Kimchi cheddar sourdough from ACQ.